In a rush

It takes time

Rushing is the enemy of my creativity. Have I said that before? If not, I have certainly thought it. I admit that deadlines can be very motivating. But if I haven’t allowed enough time for research, drafting, reviewing and rewriting then it isn’t going to be a very good piece. All these parts of the process are crucial – even for short pieces. I know that for a 450 words piece it still takes a couple of days to find the angle, understand the issue, interview people, write it up, find missing information, check facts, review, edit and re-write as required.

Opening your heart

Last week we did a great exercise in my non-fiction class. We wrote for 20 minutes in longhand on the topic of “I couldn’t wait to say goodbye…” We were then asked to spend the next two hours re-working the piece. I chose to go to the library. Partly because when everyone is writing quietly it feels a bit claustrophobic, like an exam. And partly so I could use the computer – I like to move my sentences around and see where they fit best. 

 For me it was a very interesting experience – I could directly compare the original draft with the final product. These days it is so easy to just save over old drafts and so it becomes rather harder to remember where I started from. I wrote about the logistics of leaving my big backpack behind and only taking a small one with me on the pilgrimage. The final piece was longer at 500 words. It contained the same ideas as the original but I had explored them in more detail and had taken the reader on more of a journey, moving from the concrete to the abstract. I developed the depth by making the link to emotional baggage more explicit. I was pleased that the final piece still contained some of my original sentences, pretty much untouched.

Lots of threads to explore

Since then I have been working on a bigger piece at home for a writing competition – on the same subject matter. The next piece needs to be between 1500 and 3000 words – quite a leap from the original. In 500 words I covered all the points I wanted to make in about equal number of words, developing the emotional aspects more. But in the bigger piece I needed to think a little harder about the structure, flow and where to put the emphasis. It is still a work in progress but I am finding that with more words I can include more details and a bit more of the back story. Some of the sentences from the first draft are still there, they are now acting as anchor points for the structure.

Hatching new ideas

I need to think about applying this on a larger scale. Getting the first draft down is really just getting the material onto the page. On the page the words, sentences and paragraphs can be examined more objectively. I can see the shape and the holes more clearly. In that sense anything is better than a blank page. Just having somewhere to start means that something will have to happen, and when it does, then I have something to work with. Something that can be built, renovated, polished and shined.

Cementing this writing life

Marking the start of term

A couple of weeks ago uni started again. I am so excited, it is like my brain has kicked back into gear. In the first week we got the outlines of our assignments and I have already started thinking about some ideas. I have been learning to grab inspiration when it comes, making a quick note to myself on a scrap of paper, in my diary, on my phone, wherever is handy. I lost one idea recently because I was lazy – in my defence it was the middle of the night - and I thought confidently I’ll remember that, and of course I didn’t. Needless to say it was probably very profound and insightful! At work there is no time to wait for inspiration to strike. You have to think on the run.



 

Slogging it out

Inspiration is only one per cent, so the saying goes, with the other 99% being the blood, sweat and tears required to deliver on it. And I can attest to that. With the deadline looming for the quarterly magazine I had to prioritise and focus on getting my articles done. When asked earlier what I was going to contribute, I had rashly volunteered to write two articles – one which was part of a continuing theme on infrastructure investment and the second on a farmer wining an award. The pressure was on to get the drafts written, get quotes signed off, facts checked and photos submitted. The cycle from flash of inspiration to delivering the final copy was short but satisfying.

It takes time

For my uni assignments there is the luxury of having more time – in terms of when it is due. But given that there is not much spare time in my week I still have to plan and prioritise – research first, sketch an outline, continue researching to fill the holes and then write the first draft, step back and review, then add and amend as necessary. For my first assignment I am halfway between steps three and four. I have some more reading to do, but I have also started writing down some sentences which may make it to the first cut. Remembering to allow enough time for all these steps is tricky.

Capturing the light

At the moment getting into the habit of writing seems to be as more of a challenge than finding the ideas. I am getting better at capturing the fleeting ideas as they float past. But making myself sit down and focus on turning out a piece is somewhat harder. It is the hard work end of things. I will have to make sacrifices – mainly ones relating to time I suspect, for writing is a cheap activity. I know that making time to write brings me rewards – not least of which is new understanding. Joan Didion is famous for her quote “I don’t know what I think until I write it down”. This really hits the spot for me.

Where is my chair?

It occurred to me this morning that my writing needs to start coming first more often. It needs to come first in my day and it needs to dictate the rhythm of my day. So I should be taking a break when the writing dictates – when I hit a wall, not when life dictates. And therein lies the challenge. I have other responsibilities – to earn a living, to my family and friends and to look after myself. Some of this can fit nicely around writing and some of it can’t. So I’m going to have to make some hard calls. I will continue to flirt with the idea of dropping my hours at work until I feel more comfortable with the idea. And I need to make more time at the weekend to tap away at the keyboard, applying a little more discipline to stay seated and not wander away to do the oh-so-very important housework!

Nesting days

Warm and pretty

My flat feels more like a home now. It is more friendly and welcoming, with splashes of color and clutter. I had a couple of homewares accidents in the Boxing Day sales – a rug for the living room, new sheets, a mug for my morning tea, hand towels with flower designs and some big pillows so I can sit up and read in the comfort of my bed. The rug reminds me of Fair Isle knitting patterns, with rows of twisting complicated patterns. The dark brown, café latte and cream colours are an excellent match for the sofa which is brown with cream piping. Last week I found a divine vintage green checked blanket at the local second-hand store. This has quickly taken up residence on my sofa and will serve to keep me warm in the early mornings tapping away at my computer.

Another slice?

I have slowed down enough to be cooking again. As well as the regular meals I have started baking for afternoon teas. I bought a recipe book on country show baking which has all the classics that you find at annual agricultural shows. So far I have made the scones, an orange and poppy seed cake and the French fruit tart. I follow the recipes to a certain point and then I add my own inspiration. I put an orange butter icing on the cake because what is cake without icing and I stewed the fruit for the tart to give depth of flavour.

Fun times

This nesting is helping me to come back to myself. My whole world is not so chaotic anymore. There is a bit more order – to my days, weeks and expectations. It is nearly a year since I got back from overseas and my life has a recognisable and predictable shape. I am back into the rhythm of working. And I am planning things into the future – buying tickets for the cricket and Cirque du Soleil, discussing dates for a visit to see my sister in Sydney and anticipating the release of the program for the French Film Festival.

Plant a seed

I’m still struggling to get back to my writing. I was listening to the radio the other day and they were talking about method acting and how an actor had to reach inside themselves to find a connection to the character and situation in order to be able to play their part. Writing the memoir feels a bit like that too. I have to transport myself back to where I was, what was going on and how I felt about it all. And sometimes I don’t really want to. I don’t always acknowledge that I don’t want to, I simply avoid doing so. I find something else pressing to do instead – watering the plants, cleaning the kitchen, ironing… something to distract me long enough that I lose my train of thought and decide to abandon it for the day.

Rolling with the changes

Tuckered out

Let’s just say that my stay-cation did not exactly go according to plan. For the first week I was too busy and in the second not busy enough. There were Christmas events, Boxing Day sales, cricket watching, golf playing, farm visiting, movie going and then my sister and her family arrived from Sydney. The new year came and went, followed by two very hot days which I spent hibernating inside with a book. Everyone went back to work and I found myself at a bit of a loss, my planning had only gotten me so far. I lounged around watching old episodes of Downton Abbey and reading.

Lots of work

I am now back at work and feeling rather better about life, the universe and everything. I clearly needed a good break – with some distractions and some quiet time. I did not get a lot of writing done. But I did do some thinking and reading about the writing life. I picked up “The Right to Write” by Julia Cameron (of The Artist’s Way fame) from my bookshelf and was reminded of the elements and challenges of a writing life. I do know what helps me write, but sometimes it seems that I forget. I don’t need great swathes of time. I am much better off with a routine – writing for a short period of time each day. Too much time and space seems to paralyse me, but squeezing it in seems to work well. So I am back to getting up early and punching out my 500 or so words on the draft. I find the regularity of committing time and effort each day rather reassuring. I might even go so far as to say it brings meaning to my life.

Time out

With my grand writing expectations not being fulfilled on my stay-cation I have been forced to revise my goal for the summer and beyond. I will get this draft done – it’s just going to take a bit longer. So my official plan now is to keep plugging away for the next couple of months, and then ideally be in a position to do a good first edit in spring. I am trying to give myself a more realistic goal. I still have to juggle work commitments, a raft of fun summer socialising and in a couple of weeks I will also be back at uni. So I want it to be a challenge but also achievable.

It's official!

I finally received my new business cards. I have no idea what happened to the first lot – lost in the depths of the sorting office perhaps. I phoned the company and they said they would reprint and resend them. So one morning just after I started work again I opened my letterbox and there they were. I am thrilled with them. I was concerned that the writing on the reverse side might not be very clear but it is fine. And I still love the design I chose, which is lucky because I have 250 to giveaway. I now always have a few with me – tucked in a pocket in my bag. It’s a small thing, but I do feel a smidge more professional about my writing. Another small step along the path to living the writing life.

Being blocked

Where it all stopped

My draft stalled. I went interstate for a few days – work and pleasure. I came back and thought I would easily be able to get back into it, but it had vanished. My inspiration had disappeared and my commitment to just turning up on the page was nowhere to be found. I lost the rhythm of my early mornings at the computer, dutifully typing up my 500 words or bashing out my morning pages. I got very frustrated because I don’t know exactly what happened. It felt like I would be starting all over again when I next sat down. I knew I wouldn’t be, but I felt I had lost the sense of the thread I was working on. It was an emotionally challenging section, so perhaps there was some resistance to that?

Water is critical

I was still writing for work – helping out with a couple of media releases, drafting an article for the quarterly magazine, preparing a contribution to a submission and writing the opening address for the President to deliver at an awards ceremony. The latter was definitely the highlight. One of my assignments last semester was writing a speech, which it turns out was excellent practice for the real thing. I did learn that when you are not reading the speech yourself it is important to clearly identify the paragraphs, include stage directions like pause and give the presenter enough time to get comfortable with the words. Nothing like directly applying your learning!

Feeling broken

So after about a month of drifting around feeling guilty and trying to ignore it I am back at the desk. I finally just sat down and got on with it. I started on a whole new section, to free myself from the expectations of the previous section I was working on and gradually it is coming back. I still don’t really know what happened. It has been a very big year, with lots of changes so it could be a little slump after the end of semester, the relief that follows a period of stress.

Armchair travel only

I am tired and really looking forward to the Christmas break. I have decided to take two weeks off and have a “stay-cation”. I did this a couple of years ago and it was brilliant. I got to catch up with friends, be a tourist in my own city and sort out things at home that I never usually got round to. I walked everywhere because I had plenty of time. I prepared healthy meals and ate lots of fresh food, again because I didn’t need to rush. I felt refreshed, fit and healthy at the end of it. Plus I didn’t have to travel anywhere and I got to sleep in my own bed. This time I also have great hopes for my writing – keeping up the morning sessions, and perhaps with less need to dash out the door for a 9am start I can do more than 500 words a day. Fingers are crossed, only two and a half more days to go…

Walking everywhere

 My walking is getting better. My latest tweak is to walk to work in shorts and t-shirt and change when I get there. This is more comfortable and if I do get a bit warm on the way I know that I’ll be changing into fresh clothes before starting my work day. I have been reading about how useful walking is for writing – allowing thoughts to percolate and stretching out the body. I do enjoy walking, the physicality of moving my arms and legs, the freedom of my mind to soar. I also bump into people on the streets – last week I met an old neighbour and a former colleague, neither of whom I have seen for years. The dollar savings on tram fares also keeps me committed and the sunshine makes me happy. I am slowly building up to walking in both directions a couple of times a week. It is more tiring and does take a decent chunk out of the day, but it helps me sleep better.

The end of the beginning

A time to reap

My assignments are in, semester has ended. Talk has now turned to subjects for next year. Last week I went to an information session. Part-time students who joined the course at mid year are being encouraged to seek an appointment with staff to confirm their subject choices. In second year (still three semesters away for me) there is the opportunity to work on big writing projects. For some subjects you need to arrive with 50,000 words already on the page. I am beginning to realise that my part-time status may be a blessing as I will have rather more time in which to quietly work on my projects before getting to these rather large hurdles.

It's not a race!

The 100 day project is off to a slow start. I have averaged 500 words each time I have sat down, which means sometimes more and sometimes less. I have not sat down every day because the reality is that it is hard to get up at 5am. I trust that the more often I do it, the easier it will become. And I am getting used to going to bed earlier in order to be able to get up. There is a bit of a chain reaction going on. I am proud that I have started, for the first steps are sometimes the hardest. And I am trying not to be too hard on myself as I take these new steps. Allowing myself some time to get used to how it all feels to live this new experience. 

Other projects

More so than doing the course, it feels like I am stretching the wings of my identity as a writer. Committing to writing every day, or most days, is a more defining experience than being a student. Being a part-time student is kind of intermittent – asserting itself when there are classes to be attended and assignments are due, but not being an everyday experience. Getting up early, switching the computer on and tapping away eventually produces something. When it is not coming together I work on my ‘morning pages’ for a while and then it starts to flow. Today I am drafting this blog post instead. And tomorrow I will come back to the travel memoir fresher in my mind and freer in my words.

A time to sow

The other lens shifting factor is that I have ordered business cards, or as the printing company called them ‘networking cards’. I have been wanting to let more people know about my blogs and it doesn’t always work to send them a link – partly because I forget. So I have taken the plunge, chosen my design, entered my contact details and put my money on the line for 250 cards. I am nervous; it is another small step along the path to living a creative life. And not to be underestimated – a little bit thrilled at the prospect of receiving a package in the post!

A new home for a family treasure

The most exciting non-writing thing in my world recently is the arrival of my grandmother’s table.  After she died my parents had it shipped out from England. They had it restored and the chairs re-covered. It lived at their house for more than twenty years. Now they are moving and it has come to my little flat. It is perfect - it has a square top with barley twist legs, it seats four people but can extend to six. But the details are not important, what is important is that the room is finished. It has a purpose, in fact many purposes. It will be used for eating and entertaining as expected. But it is likely to also be where I do French homework and translation exercises and the site for any sewing machine projects. The completion of this room feels like the timely opening of a new chapter. There is a bright summer ahead - long hours of sunshine, outings with friends and family and more time and commitment to my own writing projects.

Downsizing and upsizing

A new path

My world is slowly shifting into a new focus. I say slowly because it is still happening. I am learning to live the changes and then wait to experience the difference. The difference might be small at first, and a bit itchy. It might not even be noticeable. And it may be surprising. I have downsized my job. Let’s say this was a half conscious decision. I think I knew I needed to, but I wasn’t very willing to admit it. And if I’m honest, it still feels a bit uncomfortable.

Simple pleasures

The most obvious impact is on my bank account. There is less going in, and as a result there is also less going out. But is my life any different? I can still afford to pay my mortgage. I take my lunch to work and I walk rather than use public transport when I can. I’ve stopped going out for dinner and/or drinks and started hanging out with friends in the park and at markets. I eat lots of rice, pasta and vegetables and search out the specials on everyday items.

Am I poorer for making these sacrifices? No, I don’t think so. Certainly I need to think more carefully how I spend my money. But this frugality is helping me to value things differently. I buy second hand books and clothes. The warehouse sized op shop near me is full of things that people have donated, all priced up and ready for a new owner. It is a treasure trove of unexplored delights. And there is a nice warm feeling of helping the environment by re-using.

Taking time out

The less obvious, and more challenging impact is on my head space and my time. It feels wrong to not be worrying about work, to not be swamped by the latest big project, to not be frantically busy. That’s not to say I’m not committed, I am. But it’s just not so consuming. I walk out on time when I can. I plan evening activities because I know I’ll be able to get there and still have enough energy left.

But these old habits are hard to beat. There are moments of leakage, when I find myself asking questions, and getting interested in other things that are going on. When really all I need to do is just my job, just my job. That’s all they need me to do. In this, I am my own worst enemy.  

A couple of leaks

I have an uncomfortable mix of feelings. A tinge of guilt. A glance of worry. A spark of rebellion. A sniff of freedom. I have a chance for change - to create a different balance in my life. That illusive thing I have been chasing for the last couple of years. So I am trying to breathe through this awkwardness and stretch my new wings into a bigger life outside of work.

Aiming differently

And what better way to combat this, than with a new project. On facebook this week I came across the concept of the 100 day challenge. This can be anything you like, you can design it for whatever you want to achieve. My uni course is soon to finish and there is a nearly three month summer break til next semester. So I’m going to upsize the creativity stakes. The best time for me to write is first thing in the morning, so with the help of the alarm clock buzzing at 5am I am going to roll out of bed, put the kettle on, fire up the computer and endeavour to write 1,000 words. I flirted with the idea of confining this to the travel memoir or a novel but I think right now I just need to get into the flow of writing every day for myself. And then wait and see what happens…